The Real McCaugheys
The birth of the McCaughey Septuplets has everyone thinking and talking babies. Even couples who have never before felt the desire to hear the pitter-patter of little feet stepping all over their stuff are considering taking the plunge. You hear them all the time, these poor, ignorant fools, saying things like, "Oh, the babies are so cute and the mommy looks so happy. And look at the daddy on TV, always smiling. Maybe we should have a baby, too." If you're a regular reader you know that I'm the proud sire of two girls: Sierra, my two year old who daily redefines the word "hyperactive;" and Chelsea, who is nine. Her goal in life is to become something called "a Spice Girl." I'm thinking about having her checked. So, as a longtime resident of the parent hood, I feel that it's my civic duty to give these mom and pop wannabes a good dose of the truth before they do something really stupid. First of all, that is not a smile of joy you see plastered on Papa Kenny McCaughey's face every time he's on the tube. That's the look of a man in complete and utter shock. You see the same dazed grin on the faces of people who open their door to find Ed McMahon standing on the other side or who have had their overextended Visa card confiscated and cut in half by some pimply-faced, convenience store clerk. That's a deer in headlights look, my friends. It will disappear as soon as the chrome bumper of reality slams into poor Kenny's head. Parental roadkill, that's what he's about to become. Secondly, it's definitely not a good idea to have children just because they look all cute and cuddly on the evening news. This is the same mentality that caused a run on Dalmatian puppies last year after the movie "101 Dalmatians" came out. The Dalmatian was the best selling breed of dog for months after the movie's release. Care to guess what the number one breed now being dumped at the pound is? You guessed it. Better think long and hard over this one, future parents. It's not so easy to get rid of kids. The McCaughey Septuplets have punched a number of biological timeclocks, including the one belonging to my friend, Candy. Candy and her husband, Clint, are DINKS (Double Income, No Kids), but they're considering becoming DORKS (Demented Outcasts Rearing Kids). Since I'm the biggest DORK Candy knows, my advice was sought. "Does life change when you have kids?" Candy asked innocently. I thought about lying to her, telling her that nothing really changes when a bundle of joy is thrown into what has been a pretty calm mix, but then I thought better of it. This woman is my friend, I told myself, and I owe her the truth, no matter how brutal it may be. Does life change when you have kids? I looked her squarely in the eye and said, "No, Candy, your life doesn't change when you have kids. Your life ends." If you're a parent, I'll bet you my Barney video collection that your head is bobbing in agreement. Come on, I'll admit it if you will: we are not the same people we were before our kids were born. Those fun-loving, free-wheeling singletons are gone forever, probably off playing poker and drinking beer with all the other former selves. They're living in a world where there are no kids, no responsibilities, no fear of hangovers. Bet they're having a great time, don't you? Now don't get me wrong. I love my kids more than life itself. Still, I can't help but think about my old self every now and then. I wonder what he's up to, how he's doing, how much hair he has. I say things like, "Before I had kids, I used to stay out all night and sleep all day. I used to take trips and wear fancy clothes and smoke and drink and drive a really cool car... that reminds me, I need to change the oil in the minivan before we go to Chuck E. Cheese on Saturday." Since the birth of their septuplets, the McCaugheys have been showered with attention and gifts. They were given a customized van from the car dealership where Kenny works as a billing clerk. They've been promised a new home, a lifetime supply of Pampers, free strollers and car seats, furniture, clothing, paid college tuition for the kids, book and movie deals, and the list goes on. Word to the wise, Bobbi and Kenny: all that stuff is nice, but in the end, it isn't going to make bringing seven screaming babies home any easier. An abundance of patience, love and understanding, that's all you really need. Oh, and an unlimited supply of Valium. I'll bet you can get it if you ask. And what did Candy and Clint decide to do? They're going to remain DINKS for now, though they are talking about getting a puppy. I recommended a Dalmatian. From "Small Business Q&A" With Tim Knox Tim Knox is a nationally-known entrepreneur, author, speaker, and radio show host. Tim has helped hundreds of entrepreneurs realize their business dreams. To learn more please visit http://www.timknox.com. |
Other Poker Bonus Articles
Guidelines for Playing No Limit Texas Holdem Poker You play too many hands and you shouldn’t. In a no-limit game your percentage of played hands should be around the amount of 20%-25%. Examples are: when you are in first position and hold a A-J hand you have to fold, when in middle position with a K-10 you will also fold and in the last positions you will still fold even if you have a hand of Q- ...Randomness, Probabilities and Odds The probability of a favorable result out of all chances can be expressed in the following way: the probability (р) equals to the total number of favorable results (f), divided on the total number of such chances (t), or pf/t. However, this is true only for cases, when the situation is based on net randomness and all results are equiprobab ...Understanding Different Types of Online Slot Machines We'd be wasting your time if we attempted to categorize all the types of slot machines. Every casino offers a wide range of slots to attract gamblers. Slots come in hundreds of types and variations, from single line and 3 line, to 3 or 5 reel, and from bonus games to progressives, to mention just some.It makes more sense to look at the ty ...Multi Table Poker Tournament Tips You want to enter a limit tournament so you have to have in mind the gap concept. This is the most obvious change you will have o consider when revising your strategy for a tournament like this. You will pay mare attentions to actually winning every pot you get into and the pot odds will be somewhat disregarded here. This doesn't mean you will d ...Poker Starting Hands: Winning Table Strategy Of course anyone knows that a hand like AA is better that a hand like 22. That is the obvious part of the starting hands and the questions is not posed when talking about extremes, it is posed when we are dealing with middle hands that can get us often confused. It is possible that your pocket aces will loose against a worse starting hand. Why? ...Best Online Poker Rooms- Where Should You be Playing? Poker is one of the fastest growing sports in America today. It is getting so popular, in fact, that it is spilling over onto the World Wide Web. However, we all know the dangers of putting personal information on the internet for all to see and poker generally involves money of some sort. The following information will help to direct you to ...Online Poker Strategy Tip: The Art of Folding the Cards While many players spend hour perfecting their bluffing skills and learning to look for tells in other players, the art of folding is often overlooked. Believe it or not, it is possible to fold every hand and end up in the top 50% in any given online poker tournament! Human nature makes many of us believe that the other players at the table are ...Online Video Poker Games: Strategy for Fun Some people that enjoy a good poker game at a buddies house on Saturday night also enjoy heading to a casino to play the game. A casino offers not only traditional poker games that are played at a table, but also offers video poker games. The biggest difference between table poker and video game poker is that the machine can be preset to have p ...Party Poker Looking for a great place to play online Texas Holdem poker? Well, Party Poker and its affiliate sites are a great place to play. You’ll find it all - Texas Holdem poker, Omaha, Omaha Hi/Lo, 7 Card Stud and 7 Card Hi/Lo games, including a wide range of games such as play-money tables, regular “ring games” (regular poker game with up to 9 playe ...How to Spot the Bluff When Playing Online Poker This article is strictly referring to online poker games. It has nothing to do with reading the players. You can read here about some moments in the game when it is likely for others to bluff.1. When they are still betting after a bad flopWatch other player. Let’s say they already did bet pre-flop and their position was not that go ...Top 10 Online Casinos Trying to find a good online casino can often be a daunting task. With so many choices out there, how do you know which ones are safe, secure, and honest? To assist you in your search, I’ve compiled a Top 10 list of online casinos. In order to put the list together, I looked at payout percentage, bonuses, customer reviews, and online rankings ...Is There A "Best Time Of Day" To Bet Online? You may be one of those gamblers who like to sit down and doing a little online gambling after a hard day at work. You may be a gambler who works at night and gambles during the day. Or, you may be a professional gambler who could care less what time of day it is, as long as there is a game to be played. Experts have visited the thought that the ...Win Video Poker – The Only Way To Win Big If you want to win big at video poker you need to get the royal flush. The other hands simply wont help you win longer term you must hit the royal flush and this article will show you how to increase your odds of doing so.Increase Your Odds of Hitting the Royal FlushMany video poker players ignore the royal flush when they play, bu ...Gambling And The 20th Century Rulers Part 3 Mao Zedong (1893-1976) Mao Zedong was born on the 26th of December, 1893, in the village of Shaoshan of Hunan Province situated in the south of the country. Great helmsman, revolutionary - Marxist came to power in 1949 when gambling was already forbidden in the country. The creator of communistic China did rather a lot for getting into the list ...Finding the Ultimate Online Casino Information Portal Online casinos are gaining quickly in popularity. Plenty of people love the challenge and excitement of gambling, but tend to avoid doing it in their spare time. The reason for this is because the stress and noise of a casino can simply be too much. Parking is expensive; meals are expensive; and the entire process can be extremely stressful! ...Online Casino Types Online Casinos are very popular and lot of people are playing and gambling. Online casinos can be divided into three groups based on their interface: web-based casinos, download-based casinos, and more recently live casinos. Some casinos offer multiple interfaces.Web-based CasinosWeb-based online casinos are different websites wher ...#22 Nebraska Cornhuskers Preview Spring practices are in the books and fall camps will be here before you know it so that means getting an early jump on the 2006 NCAA football season. Knowing the teams now will save you time in August and Matt Fargo is here to help you get a grasp of what to expect this upcoming year. We go from worst to first in this 2006 College Football Prev ...No Limit Texas Hold em Poker: Strategy and Tips for Winning Hands One of the most popular forms of the game of poker is no limit hold em poker. It has gained immense popularity in the recent times because of all the T.V. coverage as well as from other forms of media publicity. To be successful at playing no limit hold em poker you have to follow a certain strategy. There is a large selection of books available ...Fraudulent Sports Books It’s one thing to have to beat the odds; it’s another to have to beat the book. Betting sports online is a fun and entertaining activity, but danger looms around the corner. Most sports bettors constantly seek out new sports books to play at and to use for line comparisons. However, not all sports books are legitimate—as you can imagine. How ...Running for Cash - Hit the Pavement and Make Up to $4,000 a Month Running is not a dependable way to earn a living and take care of a family, but…What if instead of playing poker or fishing over the weekends you choose to run half- and full marathons?And what if I told you that if you are a really good runner you can make up to $4,000 a month by winning a race every weekend, depending of course o ...NBA Betting NBA is today one of the most popular sports in the world and in the environment of the sports betting. The sport has evolve in an incredible way pushing competition between players to amazing levels of agility and skill, making the game look so entertainment.You can find a NBA betting site anywhere in the internet today; ...Horse Betting Tips Most apprentices are capable of breaking a horse fast, which is great in sprint races, and the majority of their wins are usually accomplished under such circumstances. However, in route races (distance of longer than 1-1/8 miles) they usually do not perform as well. This is not necessarily because they are lacking in basic ability but because t ...Secrets of Extracting More Cash From Online Poker Most poker players are obsessed with improving their play, as well they should. Studying, practicing, keeping logs of hands played are all tools to improve play and profit. There are, however, other subtle ways to improve the bottom line.Bonus accounts- Well known in the industry and I'm sure your aware of them. Some are better than other ...Poker Table Position Strategy When you refer to your position at the table, you should think about the place you have in the poker room relative to the player that is the dealer for that specific hand. If you are the dealer for this hand, you find yourself positioned last to bet, so your position is the best as you can see everyone’s reactions and bets before you make up you ...Lotto Game Plays There are many ways to play Lotto, but which game plays will make you a winner. Below is only a few Lotto game play strategies you could use to find that elusive winning sequence. In this article we will be looking at a 6/49 Lotto game, but it could be used in other types of Lotteries as well. A 6/49 Lotto game basically means you choose 6 numbe ...A Quick and Easy Lesson in Calculating Outs and Pot Odds Calculating outs (the number of cards that could improve your hand) and pot odds (ratio of the money in the pot versus the amount required to make your next call) is often used as a basis for a Texas Holdem Poker player on whether to draw and try to make their hand.However this in my opinion should not be the sole basis of your decision o ...Jacks Or Better Video Poker – How To Win Big Payouts Jacks-or-Better is the world’s most popular video poker slot machine and with good reason – Its fun easy to play and with the correct strategy you can beat it and win a lot of money.Jacks or better video poker is suitable for novice players as well and the rules and tips to win are quickly absorbed, so lets take a look at why its such a g ...Free Multiplayer Online Poker Tips Do you want to learn to play multiplayer poker online, and join the ranks of the millions that regularly play? However, you want more information about the process, and the benefits of playing multiplayer poker online, before you jump in. So take a peek at some valuable information about playing and enjoying your online poker adventure.De ...Online Casinos Bonuses Online casinos have always maintained a good reputation and popularity because of the incredible promotions and special services they offer their gamblers.One of the great advantages they give are online casino bonuses, which every client has the right to receive when they first signup. Online casino bonuses are a percentage or amount of ...Online Poker Strategy: How to Play Straight Draws Most players know the fact that they have to be aware of the odds or the game when it comes to draws. You have surely had opponents that many times exaggerate the way they are plating their draw hands. If you consider yourself to be like that, then you should examine more draws. For example let’s consider a draw of the straight type. There a two ...
|
