The Dish: Zidane Undone By Sister Joke
Americans looking for another reason to hate the French are happy this morning. The Head-Butt Heard Round The World turns out to have been caused by a Yo' Mama joke. Well, actually, it was caused by a Yo' Sista joke. Zinedine Zidane planted his sweat-drenched scalp in the chest of Italy's Marco Materazzi because Materazzi said something kind-of-disparaging about Zidane's sister. Except it wasn't that disparaging. Materazzi was clutching and grabbing in the World Cup final this July, which, if these soccer-ignoring eyes are any judge, is absolute standing operating procedure in the sport. Zidane turned to Materazzi and wittily proclaimed, "If you want, I'll give you the jersey later." Ha. Hilarious. You see, Zidane was pretending like the reason Materazzi was pulling his jersey was that he wanted it, not that he was trying to impede France's superstar. It is to laugh. Materazzi, like any good professional athlete, wasn't having any of this lame-ass quip. He responded, "I prefer your sister." Now that, I have to admit, is a pretty good one. But can it possibly have been the worst thing Zidane has ever heard on a soccer pitch? No way. Have you ever seen what this guy looked like when he had hair. I mean, we're talking seriously embarrassing male-pattern baldness. You mean no one ever asked him if he rubbed in his bald spot getting tea-bagged by Jacques Chirac? I find that rather hard to believe. Can you imagine if Michael Jordan had lost it every time someone asked about his affairs with porn stars, his massive gambling debts, his hair-plug problems? Jordan would still be in jail. What would Zidane do if Bill Romanowski spat in his face? Heck, hasn't the man ever tuned in to Comedy Central on a Saturday afternoon and seen the millionth re-run of White Men Can't Jump? "We goin' to Sizzler! We goin' to Sizzler!" In some cultures, what Materazzi said doesn't even qualify as an insult. Why, if you told me you'd rather have my sister, I'd probably reply, "See, here's the problem, my sister really isn't that interested in sweaty, hairy, half-literate monkey-men. But I do appreciate you asking first." Can you give us a sense of the frenzy that is gripping the handicapping community as the NFL regular season approaches? Is it just crazy? BoDog Bookmakers, BoDog.ws: We're not handicappers, but I would assume it's crazy. It's an exciting time of year! Is there one NFL bet out there that really seems to be capturing the public's fancy? One team people seem to be jumping all over, or one game that's inspiring more action than others? BDB, BoDog.ws: The action coming in on MiamiPitt is huge already. Everyone seems to like the Fins as Big Ben won't be playing this week. Boy, anyone picking California to beat Tennessee last weekend sure is an idiot, huh? (I did! I did!) Is Tennessee going to be for real, or was Cal simply that bad? BDB, BoDog.ws: Tennessee looked real good last week; however, Cal's defense was suspect at best and the QB concern is a reality. How's the interest in the U.S. Open been? Who does the betting public like to win on the men's and women's sides? BDB, BoDog.ws: The action has been tremendous on the Open. The bettors love Blake and Serena; however, Serena lost yesterday. The past few days' action has been balanced, so it looks like we'll have a good Open :-) Christopher Harris is a featured writer for the Professional Handicappers League. Read all of his articles at http://www.procappers.com |
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