Guess Who’s Coming To (Holiday) Dinner Mom?
Meeting the parents is symbolic of moving to the next stage of a relationship. The expressions " the kind of girl you can bring home to your mother" and “a guy even your dad would approve of-” come to mind. Getting the green light from family helps an individual to feel that their significant other is "the marrying kind”, due to their ability to blend in to and be comfortable with their family and traditions- and is therefore someone they should seriously consider for their lifetime partner. You and your boyfriend have been dating for over four months and Thanksgiving is just around the corner. You have talked about when and how to meet each other’s folks, and have decided that he will accompany you to your parent’s house for the annual feast. Your siblings and their significant others will be there, along with other extended family members- and it is a great opportunity to handle multiple introductions all at once. So, why have he (and you) been feeling anxious as the day to leave approaches? Could it be the very real fear that your sweetie will not make the right impression and fail this first relationship litmus test? After all, what will happen to the two of you if you are met with disapproval and a consensus that you should throw this one back and look for another? If you are wondering what (if anything) you can you do to prepare ahead of time to help ensure it goes smoothly and ends with an invitation to come back for Christmas, Hanukkah or Kwanza- read on for some tips that are bound to put you both at ease and help your relationship win praise from your family (even grouchy Aunt Edna). · Make sure he offers to participate in preparing the food, serving and cleaning up. If there is an expectation that "guests" do not participate in these chores, they will let him know. Otherwise, he could come across as someone who does not join in or fit in with your sharing family lifestyle. It will also help to keep him busy and actively participating as he and your family get to know one another. · Have him bring a gift for your parents. This is a nice icebreaker, and if there are cultural differences between you, try a gift that represents and celebrates their traditions. · If he is a vegetarian or has a food allergy, communicate this to your mom beforehand and offer to bring or make a few “safe” dishes. It could be embarrassing and may be perceived as insulting, if he can’t share in the food that is offered. · Spend the first part of the visit helping him to learn about your family. Encourage him to ask them questions about their interests, work, etc. Indicating high interest is very flattering and will help him (and you and your family) to have lots of good, safe topics to discuss. · Make sure he offers to participate in preparing the food, serving and cleaning up. If there is an expectation that "guests" do not participate in these chores, they will let him know. Otherwise, he could come across as someone who does not join in or fit in with your sharing family lifestyle. It will also help to keep him busy and actively participating as he and your family get to know one another. · If you haven't yet done so, discuss your family members in detail. Talk about their interests, likes, dislikes and any significant personality or other issues. If he has had past problems bringing someone home to meet the folks, think about what went wrong and how the two of you can plan ahead to avoid potential misunderstandings or uncomfortable moments, etc. For instance, if your dad is confrontational by nature, give your boyfriend a heads up and then the two of you can decide how you will handle any potential unpleasantries from him. Most importantly, approach this day with an open and positive mind. It is a time for sharing, family, love and thanksgiving. What is better than a new love to be thankful for? Toni Coleman, LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist, internationally recognized dating and relationship coach and founder of http://consum-mate.com. Toni has been quoted in many local and national publications and top ranked dating and relationship websites and she has been a frequent guest on a number of radio shows seeking to provide their listeners with her cutting edge expertise. Her syndicated column, “Dear Dating Coach” and her monthly newsletter, “The Art of Intimacy,” provide dating and relationship advice to thousands of singles. |
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